It's the Gemini in me...July 09

Back & Forth...the Duality of a Gemini's Brain
Current mood: Gemini
Category: Life

I've been battling with myself lately...i seem to operate in extremes...sometimes I seem downright hypocritical or contradictory to myself...but then I remind myself that I am a Gemini (even if I am on the Cusp)...and Gemini's are known for having dual personalities...so here are some of my thoughts as of late...please do not be offended by my honesty...

At times, I want nothing to do with the church or church folk...don't get me wrong...I love the Lord and His Word...but I get so tired of the drama, politics, ignorance, and foolishness that plagues the houses of God...I haven't been attending church regularly for quite some time because I can't seem to find one that does not irk me...On the other hand, I need the accountability and encouragement of the church as I'm not seeking God on my own...I only pray when asked or when a crisis arises...being single again, I also have no one covering me or leading me...and I lose sight of my purpose at times...so the very thing I need and long for, I avoid because I can't find one that meets all my picky needs...

As fearfully and wonderfully made as I am, I often feel like the ugly duckling...I've never had great self esteem...I've always battled my weight...but at times I can think I am the ish and be seriously shallow...I look at the guys I have dated and n'er has one of them been ugly...I have pulled some fine ones, if I do say so myself lol...so I tell myself, I can't be ugly if I'm attracting these cuties...cuz they are probably shallow too and wouldn't deal with me if I was ugly...lol...but then I question if they aren't drawn to my looks, but rather to my "openness"...then the ugly feelings creep back in...it's a vicious cycle...so I trust that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

Don't get me started on dating...lol...