A place where I can....

I'm finding myself in a precarious place and I think I need to make some changes. My mom called me Sunday morning and I missed her call because I was in another room. So, I call her right back and she says, "Oh I just figured you were in church." Trying to sidestep the guilt trip, I quickly rebuff, "Psshh, nawl I ain't been to church in over a year," like that makes any kind of sense, or is a good thing to say. My mother (a non-church goer herself) decides to crush my pinky toe and asks,  

"Are you and God not friends anymore?"

I continued to sidestep the guilty feelings laughing it off, but inside I was *wall sliding*. I am very aware of my straying away from the church and my reasons are plenty. At first, it was because I did not have transportation to carry me to the church of my choosing. Then, it was my frustration with the churches I was attending and their incessant foolishness. Now, it has become a habit to not even consider going to church at all unless I'm singing with RD. I was not raised in the church, by any means, but for the last dozen years it has been a staple of my life, hence my mother's concern.

I take serious issue with the way churches have been operating. They are so ridiculous ghetto trifling ratchet unbecoming of Christ. I am a firm believer in doing things decently and in order. There have been too many services that I've wanted to literally walk out of shaking my head. It is entirely too hard to find a church that meets all my picky needs. Lemme lay out some of my church must-haves so y'all can understand:

• A great music ministry - choir, worship team, and soloists whose sole job in the church is music (1 Chronicles 9:33). The music ministry is so important. When operating properly it should be like this:

"And all the Levites who were singers--all of those of Asaph, Heman, and Jeduthun, with their sons and kinsmen, arrayed in fine linen, having cymbals, harps, and lyres--stood at the east end of the altar, and with them 120 priests blowing trumpets; And when the trumpeters and singers were joined in unison, making one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the Lord, and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and other instruments for song and praised the Lord, saying, For He is good, for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever, then the house of the Lord was filled with a cloud, So that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of God." (2 Chronicles 5:12-14 NASB)

• An educated and proven leader - Not someone who feels called and doesn't want to earn a leadership position so they start their own church. 2 Timothy 2:15 says to "study to show yourself approved." If you haven't been properly educated in the faith, how can you educate others? 

• An orderly run service - the focus ought to be on God. Not social activities, not announcements, not celebrating the men/women/children/deacons/mothers. That is not the purpose of church! Do that ish afterward. Print it in the bulletin. Stop wasting my time. Also, I'm all for growing in the gifts of the Spirit. But 1 Corinthians 14 tells you that folk WILL try to make the focus on them and not on God. (An educated leader will not allow such disrespect in the house.)

• Adequate space and decoration - OK so this seems like a non-biblical reason, but I have a pet peeve about the layout of the Temple. God was quite specific when he told the Hebrews how to build the Temple. You gotta have room to operate. I shouldn't have to walk through the band pit to use the bathroom. And as for decoration, some churches go too far with promoting the pastor. I done seen whole wall murals of the pastor and first lady, but can't find any sign of Jesus.

• A booming youth ministry - Kids are distracting. They make too much noise. Take them aside and let them learn about Jesus on their level. Best ones I've seen were at Seeds of Greatness in DE and Cornerstone Community Church in SC. When I say booming, I mean growing. If kids enjoy church, they will stay with it. And they will be the future leaders.

• Diversity - I've been to plenty of churches that are all black or all white. Not bad places, but it is not that hard to blend, y'all!! Shake off the traditional mindset and open yourself up to a new experience. If you are not open to diversity then you aren't really familiar with Jesus and His way of thinking. He welcomes everyone to the table, so if your service is only focused on your cultural preference, step it up!

If all these things are happening, then I am a happy camper. I can get down with this type of ministry. Meanwhile, until I find it, me and Jesus are still homeboys. God knows I love Him more than life. I do need to step up my personal prayer and study life again. No doubt! So, if you see me in the street or on the innanets don't be scurred to check me boo! I need that accountability for real.

Lord, Make Me Over...

One of the most powerful songs I've experienced (yes, it is an experience) in my spiritual life is Tonex's "Make Me Over". (Click on the link to see the live performance.) It tugs at the heart strings of anyone who recognizes their shortcomings and wants to do better. I have never sung along with him and not cried. He truly has a gift.

However, in a recent article by Kelefa Sanneh for "The New Yorker" Tonex is interviewed and they discuss his admission to being gay. Few were shocked by this clarification on his lifestyle. He has obvious (stereotypical) tendencies that always made me wonder about his preference. Also, homosexuality has become rampant in the church and gospel music industry. This presents a dual issue for me (experience vs beliefs) and leaves me feeling confused.

From my personal experience, I know and love many folk that are gay or lesbian. I don't treat them any differently because of the lifestyle they live or who they choose to love. They are cool in my book. (They also deserve all the legal rights as everyone else in the country. This country was founded on the separation of church and state so the government should stop making laws that violate that principle -- that's another blog in itself.) I have explored my own bi-sexual curiosity before so I understand some of what they are going through.

From my Christian worldview, however, I believe that the Bible is true and there are three specific passages (Leviticus 18, Romans 1 and 1 Corinthians 6) that talk about sexual acts including adultery, incest, and "men laying with men as with a woman" as being sins. These are things we ought not to do as children of God. The latter is not a law or commandment though. As Christians, we are expected to follow the two commandments cited by Jesus in Mark 12:28-31 as they encompass all the previous OT laws/commands. Depending on your personal relationship with God, there may be specific things you should or should not do that would be considered a sin in your life.

I know what it is like to struggle with sexual sin, to live a lifestyle not worthy of your calling. We all fall short of the glory of God, so I dare not judge anyone. However, when you are involved in ministry and church leadership, you need to live the life you preach. The news is riddled with scandalous pastors and leaders having affairs, gambling, doing drugs and molesting children. It makes the church look like a joke. Personally I refuse to be involved in leadership if I am struggling with something so serious. (And by struggle, I mean consistently doing the same thing with no desire to change. I don't mean slipping up two or three times a year.)

In the world of gospel music, talent isn't enough. The premise of this genre is that it is music rendered unto God as an act of praise and/or worship. It is not to be entertaining in the same sense as secular music, but it's purpose is to draw the listener closer to God. To quote my friend Jon,

"It is not like sports or other forms of music, where you can be talented and your musical face be your alter ego. Your life and music or gift have to be one in the same."

Music is often more powerful than the sermon. In Biblical times, the musicians were a part of the Levitical tribe of priests. They were sent out before the soldiers in war. There is power in godly music. (There is similar power in all types of music to stir your emotions.) Between the lyrics and the instruments music connects with your soul on so many levels. I've been singing with gospel choirs for 12+ years now. I can honestly say that gospel music helped me through some of my darkest hours. Whether you are singing or being sung to, the music affects you if you allow God to move.

So, back to the issue at hand. According to my beliefs, homosexuality is a sin similar to adultery and incest. Like any other sin, it can be avoided and overcome. Donnie McClurkin, an even bigger star in gospel music, spoke in November 2009 at the COGIC convention and shared that he was delivered from homosexuality. This caused quite a stir on Twitter and in blogs as folk condemned him for his preaching. But I must agree with him. In my own experience, the more I focus on God and his calling on my life, the less I am distracted by sinful desires.

I do have a point in this blog. I asked my friend Brian to help me identify it and he says,

"you basically said you understand struggle, but when someone makes a choice that they're gonna take on a lifestyle opposite of biblical teachings, they then ought not be in a Christian leadership role because it confuses folk and ain't right for followers."

Yes, that is exactly what I am trying to say. I hope that is clear. I know I am not God and my opinion is only valid to those who know and love me. But I was married to a minister once. When his slip ups became a full-blown struggle and he wanted to continue being a leader, I saw first hand how screwed up that can leave people, including myself. It just doesn't work. No one will ever be 100% perfect, so I advise against waiting until you think you are perfect to pursue your calling. But do be mindful that as a Christian leader you are held to a higher standard by God and by man. If you find fault in anything I've said, pray that the "Lord make me over..."

It's a Small World After All...

I am always amazed at how small this world really is at times. Living in "Dela-where" makes it even smaller. Everyone knows everybody and all their business. You can't hide your dirt here. Everywhere I go, I run into someone I know: at the mall, church, restaurants, or just walking downtown. Maybe its because I know of a lot more people, places and things than most, having gone to UD, been a member at several churches and worked for several companies here. It just astounds me that Delaware is such a small state, that it actually has a small town feel. Any who, here are two quick DE stories:

• Yesterday, my roomie and I went to the main mall in Northern Delaware. It is newly renovated and she hadn't been to see it yet. We were hoping that the Cheesecake Factory was open, but it was not, so we got some lunch at Suki Hana, the best Chinese joint around, and sat in the food court talking. This guy that sat down next to us looked like one of my exes and I mentioned to her that I had the hardest time remembering his full name recently. {This particular ex was actually just a boo (see the Relationship Hierarchy via Blackie Collins) around this time last year. He did something totally appalling in my presence so I did an extreme mental/online deletion of him from my life, hence forgetting his name.} So roomie rattled off her current/recent list of boos and their last names. One of them stood out to me and I asked if she knew if he was related to a lady with the same last name. She wasn't sure, as she had not met his family, so she text him to find out. As we're walking through the mall, they exchange numerous texts concerning this woman I know (and do not care for at all) and whether she is his relative. He wanted to know why I asked and how I know her. Ding! I knew then that they were related. As it turns out, this obnoxious woman I know is actually his mother! LOL I can't take back the negative things I told roomie about her now. SMH...
  

• I used to waitress at Red Robin when I first moved back to Delaware after my divorce. One night I was waiting on a table of regulars that were quite difficult at times with their special requests and pickiness. I was determined to make a good impression and get a good tip, besides one of them was cute and I was single. It was almost closing time, and they were my only table so I had plenty of time to chat them up. The cute one saw me using my cell and asked to see it. At the time I had the Sony Ericcson Walkman and he wanted to see what music I had on there. He proceeded to look through my music and also ventured into my photos. When he saw a certain photo, he asked who it was. I identified it as a pic of my ex-husband and youngest stepson. The look on his face was priceless. He asked his name and I told him. He looked at his brother and they bust out laughing. Now I was paranoid; how could this fine young man know who my ex was?? Well, apparently they went to church together for awhile and this guy not only knew my ex (and his bad habits), but also knew my kids, as well as my nieces and nephews. I was kind of embarrassed because when first meeting someone and trying to make a good impression, I don't really like to associate myself with my ex or his past. But there was no hiding it.
  

When I think of happy "small world" circumstances, I usually find those online. I have made friends all over the country via networking online. The conversations are great as we get to know each other and find out what similarities we can bond over. I have lived in several different states (North Jersey, South Jersey {yes, they are different "states" to us} DE, SC and FL) and have traveled pretty extensively in the States so I can relate with folk from a lot of places. Plus, my interests give me lots to talk about (sports, church, singing, etc.). As I continue to travel and share my life with others, I share their experiences and my world gets even smaller. For instance, my brother is traveling the world right now and I am experiencing things from India, Thailand and other countries through him, thus expanding my horizon.

Though it seems at times that this is a small world, it truly depends on our individual context or experiences. If you never leave the town you grew up in, your world will be incredibly small. Our network of friends multiplies daily as we travel or get involved online, and by our life's end, we could possibly have known several thousand people personally. Several thousand family and friends is nothing compared to the billions of people on the Earth right this second, or the multiple billions that have lived here before us. Yet only God knows them all.

As I was writing this, I remembered something I had seen a few years ago that perfectly portrayed just how small things are. I want to share a video with you that examines the minuteness of this planet (and those of us living here) but also how unique and miraculous each of us are. I was privileged to see Louie Giglio share this live at the Chris Tomlin concert I attended in 2007. It totally blew me away and changed my perspective on life. This video is lengthy, but it is very interesting. If you like Science, you will love this. (Yes, Science and Faith do mix!) Of course, I am already a believer in God, so its sermonic ending didn't bother me. If you're not interested in the "church" part, stop viewing at 26:15...Enjoy!

VIEW VIDEO

Crazy Thoughts - September 08

For my girls who keep it real...
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Ok, so I was all logged off for the night, when I remembered that I just had to write about something that occurred to me today...I need to show you how very sordid the human mind can be...and what better example than by using my own?

For those of you who know me well, you are aware of 2 things about me...first, I am very open and honest about my shortcomings...it is no secret what I struggle with...second, I am not able to naturally get pregnant (I will need surgery or in vitro when the time is right)...so knowing these 2 things as well as I do, help me to figure out why my brain processes the way it does...

After Election Day 2008

The Lord’s Will
Current mood: blessed
Category: News and Politics

I had a startling thought this morning as I talked to my friend Jason about the election results...He is among those who voted for Obama...and I would have been as well if I had actually had time to vote (beat me up about it later, either way, he still won)...I've seen a lot of reaction to the results in folks' status and mood on here and on facebook...Most of my friends are quite pleased...but there are some...along the conservative Christian line that are utterly disgusted and disappointed...so here is my thought:

Why do we think something is in the Lord's Will only when it is what we wanted to happen???