Thursday, April 1, 2010

T.M.I.

I like to think of myself as an open book. I don't have any qualms about sharing personal stories or information. No, I don't hand out my SSN and birth date to everyone I meet, but I'm pretty open in my opinion. But how open is too open?

If you ask my boyfriend, he will tell you I am crazy, as he is the polar opposite of myself. He shares as little as possible with the general population. And he shares only pertinent facts with his friends. You literally must be in his inner circle to know anything about him. For instance, on Facebook, he won't change his relationship status from single, though we've been together for 5+ months now. He just doesn't want certain folk all up in his personal business. I can respect that. It doesn't make our relationship any less valid.

Check my Facebook and (if you are my friend) you will find that there are a dozen ways to contact me listed, hundreds of pictures, regular status updates and nearly 600 friends. It pretty much represents my whole life. I like to have a good network. I've got friends all across the country, so if I ever need anything from Alaska or Washington DC, I know who to ask. I'm also open on Facebook, because I only add people I'm connected with most of the time. I would say that 90% of my friends on there, I know in real life. The rest are sorority sisters across the country, friends I made on Twitter or family in other countries - all of whom I would love to meet one day.

Recently I had an issue with my personal information getting into the wrong hands. I accepted a friend request from a guy I knew on Twitter. He proceeded to try to add me to his Yahoo IM, Google Talk, foursquare, etc. I only granted the Google Talk request because I rarely use that. He persisted with requests on foursquare and I got fed up. (Foursquare is a cross between a friend-finder, a social city-guide and a game that rewards you for doing interesting things.) I really didn't want this guy knowing my every move. So I deleted and blocked him from every site. He knows I have a boyfriend, so I felt disrespected with his desire to have all access to me. That is reserved for close family/friends and the boyfriend.

Even here in this blog, I get pretty personal and share things that I don't have to. I made sure to ask the man what was OK to share about us so as not to offend or disrespect him. Obviously with that whole break up debacle I went a little overboard, but he understood. He actually enjoys my openness and supports me.

I guess the difference between him and I is that while he limits information, I limit access. There are only a handful of folk that get the all-access, 24-hour pass. I think it's important to be available for certain folk. If I know someone is going through a tough time and may need to talk at random hours, I give them a trial pass. It's part of the counselor in me. But I am aware that I have boundary issues. I'm working on it.

One of the reasons I am so open is because for the duration of my marriage (8 years) I had to live a double life. I couldn't be 100% honest with family and friends about what was going on behind closed doors. The guilt and shame made me very depressed. That is not a place I want to revisit. So, nothing, well very few things, are secret in my life now. I feel like my openness helps others to deal with their personal issues. It's always nice to know you're not struggling through something no one can relate to.

So, with all of the ways to communicate today, how much information is simply T.M.I.??

1 comment:

  1. Umm... Idk. When you've been thru something so ugly, you tend to lose who you truley are. So once regained, you want to show everyone your happiness and who you truley are. You'll know what you want people to know and not to know. T.M.I. Can only be defined by you. Whenver you feel that it's too much information to give than it it. What ever you decide to share is your choice. Being open is somewhat a good thing, away to live a lil bit more stress free. In my eyes it's just another way to communicate as human beings. We people lack communication these days. We were made to live with eachother, and help each other. Lol, I understand ! T.M.I. Is only defined by you

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